03 Feb

So with Valentine’s Day just around the corner which is it for you? Pure romance and time to show devotion to your loved one or just another hallmark day and rather a bit of an inconvenience? Me and my partner personally choose not to celebrate it but this year it got me thinking about how this one day a year inconspicuously tells us when and in some cases how to show love to our special someone and I wonder; does that happen with showing ourselves devotion and love? How many times have you done something because you haven’t wanted to let someone down, seem like you cant cope, want to feel like you have your sh** together, the list is endless right? Then compare that to the amount of times that you have listened to yourself and changed your diary to suit your wellbeing needs? I am going to hazard a little cheeky guess and say that one will definitely out way the other. 

We seem to have created a society where self-care is selfish and to do what you need and what’s best for you is seen to being unkind and inconsiderate not to mention the extent of guilt that we carry around when we do. Is this not devastating? As I know that when I am feeling my best, when I have really taken care of myself I am in a much better place for those around me. I am more patient, have more energy to be supportive, and really enjoy spending quality time with those I love. It appears that we have forgotten the saying ‘ you cant give from and empty cup’. If you are feeling depleted, down, and like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders then surely those around you will also feel the bearing of that. 

So how do you get the balance right? 

Create time before responding 

With this instant reply culture that we live in now it is so easy to fall into the trap of needing to respond quickly. This quite often turns into reaction without thought. So I invite you to pause at any given time you feel you need to respond and really check in. Is this something that will serve you? Are you doing this out of duty or will it be enjoyable? Will you regret putting it in your diary when the day comes? It is ok to not say Yes in fact saying No can actually mean ‘I value me’. Go ahead and choose an option or a time that does suit you. You will be more fun to be around that way anyway. 

Say what you mean 

Communicate clearly what your needs are. Often friction can rise when we hope that people will guess what we need and unless you know something my partner doesn’t then I’m pretty sure that mind reading isn’t a thing. Being unclear means we don’t honour our needs and in turn means we don’t honour theirs. This is a great way to deepen your connection and find out what both of you need and when or how to take some much needed repair and rest time. 

Is it really priority? 

How many times would you add something to your list when maybe it doesn’t really need to be there. Often we can confuse keeping busy as a priority when really its neglect for ourselves. Check your to ‘do list’s how many items have you committed yourself to that either you don’t really want to do or don’t really need doing? Busying yourself is a way to put yourself at the bottom of the list so either take some things off or put your wellbeing either at least on it or be brave and put yourself at the top. 

Whether you celebrate Valentines Day or not I encourage you to celebrate yourself, as much as you want, as much as you need and in any way that feels right for you. And just know that by doing so is an act of love for you and those around you.

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